Just thinkin'

Do you ever feel like something big is about to happen? Something huge that is going to alter your life in a big way?


I thought maybe that it was going to be that I had Cancer. I'm going to be honest, I've always thought that Cancer is going to be what kills me, (and still do)

Last month, I found a lump in my neck and thought, "Hmm, that wasn't there before" so I made an appointment. Turns out, the doctor was concerned enough about it to have me get blood work done and a CT scan. I was a mess. I kept thinking about dying and who was going to take care of the boys while Aaron was still in the Marine Corps.. if they would remember me.. all of these crazy thoughts are flying through my head, and it turns out to be nothing. Thank GOD. Seriously

I've self diagnosed myself as a  hypochondriac. If you can't already tell.

I also worry about the future. Things I can't control.

So being that I dont have Cancer, (yet) I'm left to wonder what is going to be this big event? What is going to be the one disaster that changes my perfect life?

God, I'm depressing. But this is my Blog, and I use it to write what I'm feeling and thinking..

I worry too much. Everyone says, "think positive." That's difficult for me. I can pretend to be positive.. I can throw on a smile and laugh along with the rest of you.. but deep down I'm always over thinking, worrying, dreading the enevitable. The enevitable that doesn't even exist yet..I feel like life is just too perfect.. some day it's going to come crashing down.. and I guess this is just my way of saying, I told you so..

I better get up and get some exercise.. I'm a Debbie Downer. Plus, I'm FREEzING!